Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Creation - Guest Post by Blipey!!!

The Beginning of the World: the true history of its design

In the beginning there was only a medium-beige: all-encompassing, but decidedly soft and comforting. Now the medium-beige was content in its existence, but lonely. One day—exact time still unknown, but certainly between 6,000 years and forever ago—It decided to design something to complement its beige-ness.

There were many things it could have designed in Its infinite understanding of not just the color wheel but many other things such as: buere blanc sauces, the baseball betting line (who the hell knows what KC : CWS 215 : 100 means?), and the bacterial flagellum (I know, It knew this thing and flagellum didn’t even exist yet, spooky huh?).

But, the thing it finally decided on was a many armed thing. Yes, for all its omniscience, the medium-beige was greatly lacking in arms. So, out of itself, came forth an eight-armed blob of cuddliness. It was slinky, it was sly, it was sexy, it was most definitely in charge.

Now, the medium-beige was very old (though exactly how old nobody could determine—see above). As with most old-timers, it decided to take a break from actual work, delegating more and more of the all-encompassing beige to the eight-armed thingy. While this did please the eight-armed thingy, it too became lonely as the years(?) went by.

To keep it company, the eight-armed thingy created a lovely being it called “Kristine”. At first glance this seemed a great thing, but after a mere year(?—who the hell knows, carbon dating is load of crap…I’ve written down every generation of my family since like 2 before my grandpa; I’m going with my data). It turned out that Kristine was not only lovely, but also had independent thought—oops.

After trying to contain Kristine for aeons, the eight-armed thingy retired to drink Citadel martinis (extra dry) with the medium-beige.

This is why the universe is no longer medium-beige, and incidently also why it is so cool. Luckily, Kristine still lets us drink Citadel martinis. So, remember to send your offerings to Kristine, the ruler of the universe. (Make checks payable to: Blipey, Treasure of Kristine, Ruler of the Universe.)

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