Let me just tell you. Kate is kinky. In a fun way. First, she leaves me the most lovely little letter on the blog this morning. Very, very loving. What a way to wake up. I made sure to thank her thoroughly.
Then we're running a little late, because we're too long in the shower. (Oh darn. I'm squeeky clean, though! :) )
So I asked Kate to zip me up in the back, which she did oh so lovingly by the way, and she ran her hands down to my hemline and back up. She grabbed my thong and I thought she was going to give me a wedgy. But she didn't. She pulled it down and informed me I was going to church "commando". I'd never done that before. Not ever ever never.
Well, there's no arguing with Kate. Not that I really tried too hard. It was kinda exciting. But I did make her do it, too. What's good for the goose is good for the...um... other goose.
So off we went, all breezy under our dresses. I know I must have blushed the whole time we were there, just knowing that nobody knew. Well on the way in, I stopped and spoke to one of my favorite people at church. She's an older lady, maybe 60 or 65. I introduced my "friend" Kate. Don't you know that she commented on the ring around Kate's neck? "That's a pretty ring, Kate. Is it your boyfriend's?" I guess she kind of caught Kate off guard, and she didn't answer right away. "Oh that's ok, I..." That's as far as she got. You could almost see the lightbulb come on over her head. Her eyes snapped right down to my hand. Busted.
Her eyes bugged out and she turned about fifty shades of red. Have you ever seen a little old lady sprint? Neither have I, but I came pretty close to seeing it before Sunday School this morning.
Anyways, between Sunday School and Church, I noticed we were getting the glance. You know the one. The sideways glance that little old ladies give you when they're all circled around gossiping about someone nearby. Namely you. I almost gave them an undercover flash up my dress, just to fan the flames. But Kate the Kinky grabbed my hand before I could get the dress up, and whispered "we don't want to kill them, just give them something to fuss over!" I laughed so loud that about half the church stopped and looked. It was a riot!
I wasn't sure if the gossip had reached Pastor's ears yet, but evidently it had. He sure seemed to be glancing our way a lot. And he was sweating something fierce. He always keeps a hanky up under the pulpit, but he could have used a beach towel today.
After Church, Pastor always stands at the door and speaks to everyone as they leave. Yeah, well he REALLY wanted to speak to me today. I tried to brush right on by with a "seeya Pastor" but he wasn't having any of that.
He pulled me aside and asked me like a hundred times if everything was ok, and if I needed to talk, and kept telling me how concerned he'd been about me lately. The Lord had been speaking to his heart, and all. Bullcrap. He barely even knew me until today. The only one speaking to him was a little old lady in a blue dress.
Raspberries to Pastor for fibbing on the Church steps. Five of 'em. Five big fat juicy raspberries.